Cowboy Spirituality
(Part 2 of 4)
By Phyllis Coletta
Johnny Ray’s eyes sparkle like Santa Clause but damn, it would take three of him to make one Santa, he’s so wiry. His cowboy buddies make fun of his “bony, pointy butt” but that little butt can ride a bull like nobody’s business. Johnny is strong and lean because he holds onto nothing – no grudges, anger, resentment, or fear except for the New York subway. Funny that a man who rides wild animals and confronts bears in the wilderness would wither like a little girl when faced with the scary humans underground.
He is so in love with his God and his earth that he just can’t fathom the anger and ugliness that keep his fellow humans in chains. His hands can clench a rope to knot up cattle but they hold tight to nothing inside himself. He can see people who grip fear and anger with white knuckles because when you sleep under the stars, you know things that others don’t.
Johnny Ray’s arms are battle guns, themselves mini-mountains built from years of saddling horses, clearing trails, holding tight to the bull. The chest that houses his big cowboy heart has been cracked open more than once and it too comes in various shades of hairless white. A shorn and uneven mop of brown hair covers his near bald skull in the unburnt places. He is a beautiful man.
“They want me back for more skin grafts,” he says wryly, “but I want none of it.”
The grin is endless, the bad-boy-let’s-wrassle-you-ain’t-seen-nothin’-yet grin as wide as the sky he sleeps under. Yet, when you hear the whole of Johnny’s story, you wonder how he can be so happy, given his litany of suffering. Explosions, fires, and mean bulls are not the worst of it. Johnny Ray has lived every parent’s nightmare. When his son was four years old, Johnny backed over him with a truck, killing him instantly. The little boy is buried near Johnny’s home. Etched on his gravestone is a picture of Johnny, his horse, and a cross.
When Johnny talks about this unthinkable accidental killing of his child there is a peace in him, now several years after the event. He has two other children, lovely daughters whom he adores, and he is a loving father. After the accident, many times he thought about jumping off a bridge but the thought of his little girls held him until God could rebuild his heart. He attributes his present state of happiness to the power of God’s love that lit the way to self-forgiveness.
Phyllis Coletta is a "recovering lawyer," cowgirl, writer, teacher, and inspiration to folks in general, especially at Bear Basin Ranch where she and her partner run KB Mountain Adventures. For more info, see http://www.kbmountainadventures.com
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posted by Denise Michaels @ 2:41 PM
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